Edward's diary
by jhini
Summary: This is after one year from breaking dawn. He starts to write a diary where he explains his life before Bella and after Bella.


Edward's diary

Going back

Today after a whole year that our lives have become peaceful where excitement and happiness doesn't seem to lessen by any means, I want to go back. Everyday I see my angelic wife Bella and every moment I remember what she has done for me and my family. Every good word seems to fall short when I want to describe my Bella. My life before that shooting star brightened up my sky was always dark. I was born in 1901. Carlisle found me 1918 dying from Spanish influenza. He told me later that my mother who also died from that disease begged him to save me. He never found a clue regarding why my mother was so sure that Carlisle was the only one who could save me. Carlisle brought me to the immortal world. I became a vampire after three days of excruciating pain. Few years later he found Esme. She lost her baby and jumped off the cliff. When she was taken to the morgue after pronounced as dead, Carlisle still could hear her heart beat. Carlisle changed after he saw something in Esme. I never understood at that time the power of true love. Carlisle and Esme was my father and mother in the immortal world. I never clearly remembered my parent in mortal life but I knew no two better people could have become my parents. Carlisle's virtues and compassion that he brought from his mortal life and Esme's undying, unconditional motherly love should have been enough for an immortal life though I disputed with it. Carlisle was 300 years old but as a vampire he never killed a single human. He found a way of life where his thirst could be mended without becoming a monster. Every other vampire that came across him was stunned by his thoughts. But at that moment I thought why will I let my throat burn? Killing animal did restrict the thirst but the burning sensation in the throat never left. So I left them, left my only family of after life. I have a talent that I brought in this immortal life, which helped me from distinguishing the bad and the good. I could hear other people's thoughts or it could also be described as a mind reader. I killed and drank blood from the people who did not deserve to live. They were monsters inside a human body. A decade like this went away. But something happened when I looked myself in the mirror. I saw monster in myself. Drinking blood from monstrous humans did not change the fact that I was no good than them. So I went back to my family. They accepted me without giving a second thought. I started to control my thirst and lived in animal's blood. Later Carlisle brought Rosalie who was left to die in a cold wintry night by human monster. Carlisle wished that the part where my life was empty could be filled by her but it never happened. Rosalie always remained as my sister. I didn't know what I was searching for, but it was not her. A decade later she found Emmett. He was dying from a bear attack and Rosalie brought him to Carlisle requesting him to change Emmett. Rosalie also was changed when she found Emmett, a change that I never understood at that time. Rosalie's mind was a shallow pool, she never thought beyond her own beauty. Emmett was very open with his thoughts, whatever was on his mind he always expressed it. We went to stay at Forks, Washington. There we hunted on animals but one day we were confronted with another legend, the werewolves. They wanted to protect human lives but we convinced them that our way of living was different from others. We proved them with our golden eyes because usually if a vampire fed on human lives their eyes would be bloody red. My father made a treaty with them that we keep off their lands and do not attack the human so that they won't attack us. Next we were confronted my two very rare creatures. Rare because though they were like us but they were extra talented. We were hunting when two vampires jumped in front of us. A little girl who could not stop smiling and a army boy who was left with a lot of scars. They were Alice and Jasper and our family were extended. Alice knew the future; she freaked us out by referring us by our names even when we have not mentioned it. Jasper could sense emotions in other people. He could calm down a whole room of people. Carlisle worked as a doctor, Esme played her role as a loving house wife and rest of us were admitted in high schools. I studied a lot of books and listened to music. Time was never short. The vampires could never sleep. I gave my family privacy at nights by tuning them out. Sometimes while playing music I used to think may be this part of the loneliness were parts of the punishment from God. I have made mistakes, I was a monster and I can never go back and change it. Although I never lacked attention from my opposite kind but I still did not know what I was searching for. We came across another family in Alaska who also lived like us. They also lived there for a long time. They were three sisters Tanya, Kate and Irina and also a couple who joined them later, Eleazar and Carmen. I learned about our legends, our laws. We were governed by the volturi. They made sure that the secrets of the vampires from the rest of the world were kept away. They had soldiers who hunted other vampires when there was risk of the secret being leaked out. Aro, Marcus and Cauis were the leaders of the volturi. Remembering them still makes me shudder, thinking how close they came from taking away our existence a year ago. A century passed away that I have lived in this world. We went back to Forks from Alaska. Too many of us were there and people were beginning to suspect something. Since I had the advantage of reading people's mind and Alice could see the future, we worked as a team to keep ourselves safe. So after 70 years we were in Forks again but none of us were prepared for the change that would alter our lives forever. This change that would impact me the most also transformed my family. In the darkest of night, I saw a sun, a sun whose ray threatened the compromise I made for myself. I accepted I will be alone for the rest of my existence because I missed nothing. I had a family, what could I need more? Tanya's interest in me did nothing to alter my compromise. I kept repeating to myself, nothing changed and nothing will change. This was my penalty, the unfaltering dark nights of each day and night. I still don't why God forgave me and why did it gave me the most precious thing in the whole universe. But she came and lightened up my skies.


End file.
